Some days I think to myself, "it's gotta be so hard to be Patch". This is not a sarcastic comment, although I wish it were.

I've noticed in the last month Patch has had more nightmares and been crying a ton more than usual, which is a lot in the first place for a kid his age. He's short in patience and ultra sensitive. I know this has a lot to do with his over active sensory issues, but for some reason it seems worse this month than it's been in a long time.

The other day he cut his fingers in a bush, I heard him screaming from three houses away. It wasn't that it hurt, it's that he could see the cut and that it might bleed. He did the same thing this morning when he was hit with a snow ball. It didn't hurt as bad as he made it sound, it's that it was wet and uncomfortable. It made him hysterical.

He's also back to being afraid of being alone, outside and in the house. Even if he's by the door, someone has to be outside with him. He went into the garage this morning and thought I was coming behind him because I was in the laundry room. The door shut behind him and it wasn't even seconds before he came running in with a look of terror on his face asking, "why didn't you come with me? I don't like to be outside alone!". My fear is that he won't go to his friends without me holding his hand along the way like last year, or that I'm going to go back to standing next to the bathroom door while he does his business.

I've recently been wondering if his sensory issue is heightened in the fall/winter because it's darker earlier and colder. I don't know if I can handle another season like last year, but at least I have the tools to help us get through if that's the case.

I've spent the last year studying Patch and what makes him tick. Trying to control the things that trigger him and training our family on how to deal with Patch so that he doesn't get special treatment but learns to deal with things no matter how hard they may be. I've had dozens of conversations with Shauna and other friends to deal with his issues, looking for answers so that we all stay sane.

I just feel every day he's getting worse as October passes us by, I wish I could stop it.

My wish is that his friends would understand and be a little more patient with him, but I know that they are children and can't understand that he needs less teasing and more kindness, just like they do. He can be so mean to his friends, he struggles all the time trying to express what's frustrating him so he says mean things or hurts them.

I feel so blessed for all those who've listened and offered to take Patch so that we both can have a break. I truly love this little boy and my heart aches that this time in his life is so hard for him. We'll get this figured out.