I painted Caely's room. It's going to be fabulous as soon as my wonderful friend Karen gets here and fixes my mess (no pressure). But it's bright green, and although I love the color I don't know how to make it perfect for my girls. Right now I'm dealing with painting the bunk beds white and it's becoming a bigger project than anticipated.
Every day I'm looking for a new job for Chris. A big part of me feels bad because I know there are many out there without a job and I know how rough that is. The other part is so tired of wishing for more for him. He is good at what he does and he works hard, I'm just so proud of all that he can be and i want him to feel like he's making a difference where he works. He's just not getting that currently.
Patch is in school. I do love it, but I see him struggling more and more each day. Monday he made a book out of paper from our office. He titled it, "The Zombie Book" where he can right about scary things. Tuesday he made a new book. He called it "The Bad Book" this is where he can right bad things, including bad words. I told him that even in a book called The Bad Book he couldn't write bad words. I recognize that this is something he needs to have as an outlet and it makes me sad that he's so angry inside. I am so proud that he tries to work through his feelings but he's still struggling.
He's so frustrated all the time. He wants so bad to go play with friends but when he comes home he's a wreck. When I keep him home and he watches TV or plays Lego's, he's so agitated and stir crazy. I can't seem to find a happy medium. We'll get there...
Caely had her blood tested last week and an MRI on Monday. I got a letter on Monday saying her blood was fine. I was kind of insulted that they didn't just call when they got the results to tell me. Doesn't it take more time to write up a letter, find an envelope, address and stick a stamp on it and put it in the mailbox? Also, Monday at the hospital they said our dr. would have results in a few hours. Here it is Thursday and I haven't been contacted. I called to see what was going on to find that the results are just sitting in the Dr.'s box, un-looked at. PLUS, this Dr. is now out of town until the 16th. That's just not right.
The thing is, I know she's fine. I just want the reassurance from that call that she is fine.
Tyler's now 12. I have just started feeling like I haven't prepared him for Jr. High, High School, Young Men's, Scouts, friends, life. What happened to the days when Sesame Street was all that he needed for instruction? Caely's right behind him and growing more mature every day. I'm not ready to get them ready for the things life brings. So many other kids are better prepared. I feel like I'm failing!
And lastly, Alexa. This beautiful little girl always seems to be last. Last to be taken care of, last to be thought of, last to remember. No matter how hard I try, she's just always last. The curse of the middle child. I really do try to make things different for her, there's just so much going on with the others and she always seems fine. I know how it is to seem fine and often be looked over, I never want that for her but here we are.
Obviously these are all little things but put together I feel like I have a mountain to climb. I just need a little perspective and some time to take each chunk as it comes. I really am grateful for my wonderful life and my perfect little family.
4 comments:
(sorry. I had posted a comment as Megan so I deleted it...)
Sweetie, I hear ya. Sometimes there are those days when all of those little things just seem to hit us at once, and it's easy to feel overwhelmed. I know it will pass for you, but I'm glad you put this out there, because we ALL have been there. And it's okay that you might deep down just want a little reassurance and validation. I know that I often need those things to be able to pick myself up and move on.
I'll see you tomorrow. I can't wait
Emily,
That's one thing that is constant in this world is change! It's been such a hard transition for me too, Chasity in middle school! You are seriously one of the best parents I know and I think you do a great job at parenting. Tyler is a great kid too and everytime I get to watch you two together I know he'll be well prepared with parents like you. I know your girls room will turn out amazing! Just think of the end result! Does that mean that you have bedding and everything picked out? And cute little Patch....just remember he chose you for his mom for a reason. You can give him things that no one else can and vice versa he can teach you things. I miss you guys always because you are such an amazing wonderful family! Don't feel like you are failing....you are amazing. When I grow up I want to be just like you!
Life is life and it's not always easy. I know it. We had an extensive dialogue with Drew about what he may see in Middle school. If Karen is helping with your girl's room, it's going to be amazing! And we all start projects that end up being way more then we bargained for... you're gonna get through it.. You have a great family, a great husband and wonderful friends! Love you girl!
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