Searching for Something

As I hold back the tears, I feel much relief. For a long time now I have felt the strains of motherhood. I often feel guilty for this because I have the most amazing, helpful, well behaved children I have ever known.

I have running and GNO to bring me moments of solidarity, but presently it hasn't been enough. I constantly feel like all I do is laundry, drive, pick-up, clean, cook, clean, shop, clean, volunteer, clean, etc...

I'm truly in the throngs of motherhood. I know it was hard when they were young, but it's still hard now that they're older, it's just different.

I often feel invisible, that my work is never done, nor is it noticed. I'm only needed when someone wants or needs something. I find that lots of mothers feel this way, so I'm not a lone. That doesn't bring comfort because I don't want anyone to feel the way I have.

I know the Lord loves me and hears my prayers because last week when I went to church I more than expected some direction. It wasn't there and I was sorely disappointed. I left feeling like there was still more I needed to do and that it's never enough. The talks were great, and the people who gave them are amazing. I just needed to be reminded that there is no break in motherhood. I didn't like that. Not that I'm looking for a break, just something...I just don't know what that something is.

Early this week a friend put out a challenge to think of the little things that make us happy because we as mothers are always making others happy. This was very therapeutic for me. I realized that I have many things around me that make me happy and i need to dwell on them and not the work that I'm feeling bogged down with.

Today I read a friends blog and she put on there that she was reading a book called Believing in Christ. This is what she said about it:

I found this quote while I was reading. People criticized Mother Theresa for all her efforts in helping the poor in her country. They told her no matter what she does there will always be more poor and more to feed and more to help. This was her response:

"God does not require that I succeed, only that I do what I can."

That's just what I needed to hear. It's not about what I'm doing and that it's never enough. I need to quit expecting so much from myself.

It's that I need to do what I can when I can and be happy.

I too am going to make this my new mantra. I know Heavenly Father sent these wonderful friends to me to bring me answers in ways that I could understand. I am so thankful for this.