My Worst Fear

This is when I wish I was a pro writer like my mom so I could remember my thoughts and feelings through words and have it make sense.

Tonight I thought I had lost Alexa. I don't mean misplaced, I mean I thought she was in such a bad accident that we really had lost her. Not to cause unnecessary fear, this is really what I was going through for about 60 seconds of my life. She is perfectly fine.
I never thought I would know what it was like to think your child would be gone. We are so very blessed.
I was running on the treadmill after my kids got home from school today. It's such an inviting, dangerous thing for them. After I ran, Tyler with his puppy dog eyes asked if he could try. I think the three oldest have been able to get on it MAYBE three times in the last three years. I said yes which lead to the others wanting a turn too (Patch was asleep). After they each had a turn I went upstairs to shower and while I was in the shower realized I didn't take out the key you have to put in to turn it on. Even after I got out I thought about it again but didn't go down to take out the key because I wasn't quite dressed yet. Lexi came to me twice in an hour and begged me to let her back on. I said no since I wouldn't be there to supervise. Even her dad caught her on there and told her she wasn't allowed on the treadmill.
I was upstairs fixing Caely's hair for their dance recital tonight when I heard screaming and the pounding of the treadmill. I screamed at Tyler (since he was below me on the stairs) to turn it off. Mean while I'm scrambling down the stair and all I can imagine is which parts of her body are going to be ripped clean of their skin and are we going to be able to save what ever was left or even worse, her. I know the serious consequences of having people too close to or falling off of treadmills and I was so mad at myself for not taking out the key. My friends son touched her treadmill while she was running and it ripped the skin clear off his thumb. It ended up infected and it took a very long time to heal.
I really can't remember who stopped the treadmill, me or Tyler. All I know is Lexi got on after being told repeatedly that she couldn't and Patch climbed on the back of the couch and turned up the treadmill to full throttle. She was screaming and holding on for dear life while running as fast as her little legs could carry her. When we got her off I just had to hold her. I can't believe she didn't even have a scratch. Just a REALLY good scare. My stomach still hurts 5 hours later from the shock/stress. I know she was being watched over. I am counting my blessings and thanking my Heavenly Father for watching out for her.