How Do You Talk To A Teen?

...don't ask me!

This last week I learned a valuable lesson I thought I'd share. I hope I can remember next time something like this happens so I can handle it better.

We have a neighbor child that is more "experienced" in things than our kids. I often take the chance to ask my kids questions to make sure they aren't being influenced and feel comfortable standing up for themselves. Praying that when the time comes they will feel brave and empowered, no matter the situation. I've also been praying that I can be in tune with the needs of each of my kids. That I will know how to talk to them and be aware of their troubles.

I recently asked Tyler what goes on when this more experience child is around. He said there is lots of swearing by him and his brother. He also said that this friend talks a lot about the girls he makes out with.

Being the good mom I think I am, I ask Tyler if he swears and what he thinks when he hears cursing. We've had many talks, all I feel go pretty well.

An incident happened this last week with this more mature friend, in which I took another opportunity to talk to Tyler and Caely separately about it. Tyler again mentioned how this kid talks about "making out" with girls.

I then felt prompted to talk about that. Can I tell you, I am so thankful for the guidance of the Spirit. I realized I wasn't hearing what Tyler was trying to say, I was just hearing the words out of his mouth and not his troubled heart. My Heavenly Father was answering my prayers. I finally took a moment to "hear".

I asked Tyler what he thought and how it made him feel when this friend was talking about that. The best word for it was, awkward.

I then understood that all the other times Tyler was trying to tell me he was uncomfortable when this friend would tell him things and that was what was being said.

As we finished our discussion, I think we both left feeling better. He finally got off his chest what was bothering him and I found a new understanding on how to talk and listen when my kids are talking to me.