Life

I probably shouldn't write when I've been up since 5am with my mind racing, but here I am.

The last week has been insane! My kids are off track and thankfully it's been good so far. I've been watching a friends kid after he gets out of kindergarten and that's helped to keep Patch busy.
It's weird to send Tyler of each day while the others stay home. It's also nice to not have him here to pick on the other kids.
Alexa has kept buys with all the neighbor kids who are also off track. She loves to lay around in her jammies all day watching movies if I let her. Caely on the other hand has no one to play with. It's so sad. It seems like her friends are never around or are busy playing with other friends, but they don't ever call her to play, she is always calling them. I think she's out of sight, out of mind. I wish we had kids her age in our neighborhood, she has been so bored.

I've realized the we are insanely busy once the clock hits 3pm. It's tiring. With hockey for two boys and Caely practicing basketball twice a week, plus the girls go to two different dance studios, there isn't much down time. I'm realizing what the prophets advise, they don't all have to be doing something to be getting something. It just happened this way this year.

I have a race every weekend starting next week, for the next month. When I think of it I'm excited, but then I realize all the conflicts and things I'll miss that my kids are doing and the guilt sets in. Sometimes being the mom is really hard.

Our good friends mother passed away a week ago, very unexpectedly. This last week has been an emotional roller coaster, mourning the loss one moment and trying to play with my kids off track or working on race events the next. It's left my mind and body fatigued and confused. One minute I'm bawling or holding back the tears and the next I'm playing around and moving from activity to activity.

I was thinking about my dad while trying to go back to sleep this morning. It used to be really hard to not have a dad and see the toll it took on our family. Father's Day was always really hard. Being a teenager w/out a dad was hard. Just being a girl without a dad was hard, but only because you get an idea of how things would be different if he were here.
I think now that I have a family of my own, I've moved on and my focus is with my kids and Chris. Even though I was very little when he passed, I have been blessed to have memories of him and things he's said to me.


How's that for things thought too early in the morning? And that was just the beginning...